Humanisation and dysfunctions

THE PROCESS OF HUMANISATION

• Breaking down vanity and the myth of perfection.
• Ability to manage similarities and differences between people.
• Discrimination of the individual in order to relate emotionally to people and maintain control over things.
• Discrimination between: value = people and importance = things
• Harmonious use of thought, action and heart.

"O amor não tem pressa nem presa.
Tem essa de ser surpresa." 
(Fred M.A Brito)

Dysfunctionality
When a person does not enter into a process of humanisation, they will exhibit dysfunctionality in their emotional relationships.

We know that emotional relationships are driven by two impulses:

1. the left hemisphere of the brain: it is explainable (interests and conveniences).
2. the right hemisphere of the brain: it is inexplicable. It is a very strong impulse. It is a connection from the unconscious to the unconscious.

But there are people who do not have or do not manifest this impulse because they are not in a process of humanisation. Thus, various dysfunctions appear (at different levels). Here are some metaphorical examples.

1. Emotionally impotent: the symptom is exaggerated sexuality. They become a hermit. The person wants to be with others, but cannot bear it. Only by appointment.
2. Affective sterility: they do not fall in love (nothing fruitful), because they have difficulty with intimacy. They usually date people who are married or live far away, etc. They are left with a lack, which is intimacy. They remain in society because they cannot bear closeness.
3. Affective abortion: they have little time for relationships. The person pushes the other away. For example: they teach, help them grow and then send them off to marry someone else. In general, the investment is maternal.
4. Affective hypothyroidism: the relationship blossoms, grows and then stops growing and lives on the good times of the relationship. There is a withdrawal of affection and the relationship remains small, it does not develop.
5. Affective hyperthyroidism: there is an exaggerated amount of ‘gas’ at the beginning, but it has a limited time to exist. These are fleeting relationships that leave no trace – a flash in the pan.
6. Affective senility: this is when the relationship is not renewed or renegotiated. Every relationship needs to be ‘cleaned up’ or recycled from time to time, otherwise it ‘expires’.
7. Convulsive relationships: fuelled by crisis. They are linear insofar as they become a dead end: from one crisis to another.
8. Relationship starved: the quality of contact is lost.
9. Prostitution: multiple, undue deliveries without humanised ethical criteria.
10. Vampirism: theft of the other’s virtues.
11. Power: instead of relationship, affection and exchange, control over the other and their feelings appears.

Em todas as desfuncionalidades acima existe um objetivo 
comum que é a evitação de intimidade consigo e com o outro 
(receio de lidar com as próprias fragilidades); 
e o medo do crescimento humanizado que implica em lidar
 com semelhanças e diferenças.

QUESTIONS FOR HUMANISATION

• Time
• Knowing how to ask, knowing how to give, knowing how to receive, knowing how to thank.
• Feelings
• Courage and commitment – “heart and determination”
• Humility

ENEMIES OF FEELING

• Fear
• Vanity
• Power
• Old age (in the sense of decline).

ALTERNATIVES FOR THE WORK OF HUMANISATION

• Discrimination between what is valuable and what is important.
• Dimensioning of vanity.
• Development of the sensory organs, particularly hearing.
• Discovery of small values.

"Gosto e preciso de ti. 
Mas quero logo explicar.
Não gosto porque preciso. 
Preciso sim, por gostar". 
(Mário Lago)

Texto organizado por:
Jaqueline Cássia de Oliveira​
Psicóloga - CRP 04/7521
Psicoterapeuta Familiar Sistêmica (Brasil)
Psicogenealogista (Itália)
Fontes:
Gaiarsa - Amores Perfeitos
P. Watzlawisck - A Pragmática da Comunicação Humana
Zélia Nascimento - Curso de Pensamento Sistêmico
Jaqueline Cássia de Oliveira - O Pensamento Sistêmico e a Prática Sistêmica