Often, love and sexuality are not an integral part of life’s pleasures, but become suffering, pain, shame and emptiness.
Relying on a therapist specialising in couples therapy and systemic sex therapy
can be the right way to rework your life story, experiment with new ways of relating, untangle knots and regain your autonomy and the right to be loved.
Over several years as a systemic psychotherapist, I have had patients who came to psychotherapy with problems related to sex on several occasions. Almost always, these people tended at first to limit the issue to the sexual dimension, without taking into account the dimension of the relationship with their partner, let alone the relational significance of this aspect.
It is very interesting, during the therapeutic process, to explore these aspects and see how they are deeply intertwined with the physical problem that accompanies the symptom, leading the patient to see the relational dimension underlying their problem, which is more a cause than a consequence, embedded in a circular process that, once activated, feeds itself.
In the book by German Dr Ulrich Clement – Systemic Sex Therapy,
translated into Italian by Dr Teresa Arcelloni, the concept is taken up that sex within the couple often represents a repeated ritual and has the function of confirming and maintaining the homeostasis of the relationship.
Sexual dissatisfaction is often an indication of the health of a couple’s relationship. Sometimes the symptom may only manifest itself in one of the partners, but it is apparent evidence and therefore the therapist must broaden the context.
There may be communication difficulties, unresolved conflicts, unmet expectations, insecurity; or stress factors may have increased, such as work, marriage, pregnancy, growing children, economic pressures, the passing of the years, and the negative consequences are concentrated in the bedroom, extinguishing passion.
During couples therapy, with patients presenting sexual symptoms, it is very important to explore the relational aspects associated with them and link them to the person’s history, their emotional and sexual history, and their family history, focusing on the relational consequences of the symptom.
For Clement, sexual desire arises from difference. It is possible to value difference and not standardise different sexual desires through a ‘lowest common denominator’.
Often, in fact, diversity is not given a voice within a couple, while many people are afraid to express their desires to their partner for fear of losing them.
Clement guides couple therapists to delve into the terrain of desire and sex, using the disparity of desire as a compass rather than its identity, which is seen as uniformity.
According to this author, the focus of therapeutic intervention is the development of different sexual profiles and the resulting relational dynamics.
But systemic sex therapy can also be individual. A person can turn to a psychotherapist with questions about their sexuality without being in a stable relationship. The questions can be extended to the relational dynamics of the patient’s family of origin.
During systemic sex therapy, it is important to help the patient develop a systemic view and thus be able to see themselves at the centre of a network of relationships that, in a more or less significant way, influence their sexual problems, emotions and lifestyle.
Having a systemic view of the symptom, in any case, detaches the patient from the linear interpretation that is often based on the individual’s psychopathology or physiological and genetic foundations. This significantly increases the chances of therapeutic success.
Texto organizado por: Jaqueline Cássia de Oliveira Psicoterapeuta Sistêmica - Belo Horizonte, MG
CURSO INTERNACIONAL
em 33 vídeo-aulas
TERAPIA DE CASAL & TERAPIA SEXUAL SISTÊMICA
Com as formadoras: Dott.ssa TERESA ARCELLONI e Dott.ssa GLORIA FERRERO
