"Prá quê cara feia? Na vida ninguém paga meia." Leminsky
ADULT IS DIFFERENT FROM “ADULTERATED”
- There are two types of adults: genuine adults and dissimulating adults, or “adulterated” adults.
- An adult is someone who identifies with “paying the full price” in life.
- Adults do not complain because they have the competence and patience to deal with difficulties.
- Adults know that: “Living is dangerous and requires courage”.
- And that any complaining attitude is just self-deception and an illusion, it is lying to oneself.
- When needed, the adult asks for help (which is different from complaining) from those who can truly help and receives it with humility and gratitude.
- The false adult believes in the myth that being happy means having no difficulties and that well-being is more difficult than ill-being (even though in reality they are the same thing: it is you who chooses whether to push forward or backward).
- Adults identify themselves as apprentices of life and have already understood that those who ignore the processes and laws of life remain stuck and imprisoned: the victims.
- The adult knows their right and duty to invent their own freedom with responsibility. That is why they do not just stand there, waiting for someone to come and save them. They do not wait for princes or princesses…
- Adults know how to use things and take care to avoid abuse and misuse, whether material, emotional, intellectual or spiritual.
- Adults do not wait for pampering and flattery. They know that pampering and flattery involve ‘theft’ – of the soul, dignity and peace.
- An adult does not pamper themselves! They take care of themselves!
- Adults do not pamper others. They take care of others!
- Adults who are flattered finance or are financed by others so as not to grow up.
ADULTS HAVE ALREADY REDEFINED THEIR MYTHS, THEIR TABOOS, THEIR DOGMAS
- that well-being is more expensive than ill-being;
- that happiness is the absence of tension;
- that you will find your soul mate; etc.
NOTE:
- When people reach the age of 25 without having developed an adult identity, it is because they have chosen to take advantage of being ‘adulterated’. This identification occurs through factors external to them, such as being married, owning a car, being a boss, being a doctor, etc.
- These people feel important and fulfilled with all this! They pretend to be what they are not. They do not take responsibility for themselves. They often pretend to be ‘important people’ through the lives of others. Example: people who make a career out of saints; generous ladies who help others; weak men with powerful wives (and vice versa); victims, etc.
- The ‘adulterated’ hold up well until the age of 40. Then it’s a disaster! They have the famous ‘breakdown’ and end up in depression or intensive care!
Clues to understand whether we are adults or adulterated:
- Check your functional hierarchy: what is fundamental in your life; what are the things you firmly ‘stand on’?
- You need to check whether your answer is consistent, i.e. whether what you say is really fundamental, whether you stand by it.
- Also check whether it is an export base (taking care of the other person, for example, means making the other person your base); whether it is an imported base (being emotionally or financially supported by the other person).
- If your foundation is: your spouse, children; work; career; money; family, etc. Then, if you lose this foundation (imported or exported), do you fall apart, get sick, go mad, to the point of death?
- Clarify what the means is: how you relate, cooperate, compete (the level of humanisation – making exchanges).
- What is your apex: what guides you, what are your life plans.
- Solitude: being alone and silent. People who cannot be alone and silent are false and disingenuous.
- Work on vanity. If you seek the approval of others; if it is to export to others.
- Check whether you have already detached yourself from your parents and/or your children.
*A psicóloga infantil Laverne Antrobus defende que o apoio psicológico aos jovens não deve terminar aos 18 anos, já que o desenvolvimento cognitivo continua acontecendo até os 25 anos.
Texto organizado por:
Jaqueline Cássia de Oliveira
Fonte: Curso Zélia Nascimento - BH/MG