THE PROCESS OF HUMANISATION
- Breaking down vanity and the myth of perfection.
- Ability to manage similarities and differences between people.
- Discrimination of the individual in order to relate emotionally to people and maintain control over things.
- Discrimination between: value = people and importance = things
- Harmonious use of thought, action and heart.
"O amor não tem pressa nem presa. Tem essa de ser surpresa." (Fred M.A Brito)
Dysfunctionality
When a person does not enter into a process of humanisation, they will exhibit dysfunctionality in their emotional relationships.
We know that emotional relationships are driven by two impulses:
- the left hemisphere of the brain: it is explainable (interests and conveniences).
- the right hemisphere of the brain: it is inexplicable. It is a very strong impulse. It is a connection from the unconscious to the unconscious.
But there are people who do not have or do not manifest this impulse because they are not in a process of humanisation. Thus, various dysfunctions appear (at different levels). Here are some metaphorical examples.
- Emotionally impotent: the symptom is exaggerated sexuality. They become a hermit. The person wants to be with others, but cannot bear it. Only by appointment.
- Affective sterility: they do not fall in love (nothing fruitful), because they have difficulty with intimacy. They usually date people who are married or live far away, etc. They are left with a lack, which is intimacy. They remain in society because they cannot bear closeness.
- Affective abortion: they have little time for relationships. The person pushes the other away. For example: they teach, help them grow and then send them off to marry someone else. In general, the investment is maternal.
- Affective hypothyroidism: the relationship blossoms, grows and then stops growing and lives on the good times of the relationship. There is a withdrawal of affection and the relationship remains small, it does not develop.
- Affective hyperthyroidism: there is an exaggerated amount of ‘gas’ at the beginning, but it has a limited time to exist. These are fleeting relationships that leave no trace – a flash in the pan.
- Affective senility: this is when the relationship is not renewed or renegotiated. Every relationship needs to be ‘cleaned up’ or recycled from time to time, otherwise it ‘expires’.
- Convulsive relationships: fuelled by crisis. They are linear insofar as they become a dead end: from one crisis to another.
- Relationship starved: the quality of contact is lost.
- Prostitution: multiple, undue deliveries without humanised ethical criteria.
- Vampirism: theft of the other’s virtues.
- Power: instead of relationship, affection and exchange, control over the other and their feelings appears.
Em todas as desfuncionalidades acima existe um objetivo comum que é a evitação de intimidade consigo e com o outro (receio de lidar com as próprias fragilidades); e o medo do crescimento humanizado que implica em lidar com semelhanças e diferenças.
QUESTIONS FOR HUMANISATION
- Time
- Knowing how to ask, knowing how to give, knowing how to receive, knowing how to thank.
- Feelings
- Courage and commitment – “heart and determination”
- Humility
ENEMIES OF FEELING
- Fear
- Vanity
- Power
- Old age (in the sense of decline).
ALTERNATIVES FOR THE WORK OF HUMANISATION
- Discrimination between what is valuable and what is important.
- Dimensioning of vanity.
- Development of the sensory organs, particularly hearing.
- Discovery of small values.
"Gosto e preciso de ti. Mas quero logo explicar. Não gosto porque preciso. Preciso sim, por gostar". (Mário Lago)
Texto organizado por:
Psicóloga - CRP 04/7521
Psicoterapeuta Familiar Sistêmica (Brasil)
Psicogenealogista (Itália)
Fontes:
Gaiarsa - Amores Perfeitos
P. Watzlawisck - A Pragmática da Comunicação Humana
Zélia Nascimento - Curso de Pensamento Sistêmico
Jaqueline Cássia de Oliveira - O Pensamento Sistêmico e a Prática Sistêmica