O INÍCIO
"A história começa pela história.
O ser humano nasce de uma história entre um homem e uma mulher.
A gente conta histórias como uma tentativa de explicar um fato.
Não é a verdade.
É meia-verdade e meia-mentira."
We begin our lives and our stories through the imagination of others, the ideal.
We are born from the dreams and stories of others. And in order to survive, we first need to be imagined and sustained (ritual) in the imagination and stories of our ancestors, our foundation.
As in Caetano Veloso’s song, we arrive in this life without a handkerchief, without documents, without anything in our pockets or hands. The child arrives in this life without sufficient immune defences to protect him from the world, without a handkerchief, without documents, without anything in his pockets or hands.
As in Caetano Veloso’s song, we arrive in this life without a handkerchief, without documents, without anything in our pockets or in our hands. The child arrives in this life without sufficient immune defences to protect it from many viruses and bacteria and also without defence mechanisms for its fragile ego. But on the other hand, it arrives in this life with a rich individual imagination, which will gradually be filled with the imagination of the family, the group and the collective.
The neo-psychoanalyst Melaine Klein understood well how a child’s imagination works: an ocean of images and emotions, still disconnected from reality.
A small child makes constant use of its imagination and therefore imagines having a good mother who feeds it, making it happy and calm. But at another moment, it imagines having a bad mother who leaves it hungry and angry. A child has no elaborate thoughts or feelings.
The child’s initial functioning takes place through fantasy life, which, progressively, through object relations, will give way to more complex emotions and cognitive processes.
It can be said that young children integrate logic with fantasy life, in which both biological and environmental factors are always present, which means that fantasies, although they obey certain patterns, are infinitely variable. Fantasy life is therefore: the ground from which the mind and personality spring. (Klein, 1986b, p. 284).
According to Melanie Klein, the imaginary can be considered a structure through which the subject relates to external objects. During the early period of life, the infant mind functions fundamentally through unconscious fantasy, which integrates rational thought until it is developed.
We are born immersed in the imaginary, associated with the family, group and collective imaginary. For example: when we are born, we are given a name, whether beautiful or ugly, that is already imbued with the imaginary of our parents, our family group and our ancestors.
When I was born, Jacqueline Kennedy was a woman much admired throughout the world. She was the widow of John Kennedy, a man from a powerful family and also president of a country in its heyday. So I was born supported by the family imagination, which was full of glorious expectations for me. As if having the name of the most famous first lady of the time were not enough, my middle name, Cássia, comes from a promise made by my paternal grandmother, who was very devoted to Saint Rita of Cascia, the saint of impossible causes…
So, I was born into my parents’ dreams of having a daughter in the style of Jacqueline Kennedy and my paternal grandmother’s imagination of having a granddaughter who would take on impossible causes. In addition to the existence of my parents’ very high expectations of me, it is also clear that I already existed many years before I was conceived, in my grandmother’s imagination (meaningful project). This had a strong and decisive influence on my life, especially in my professional life.
But this was the dream, the imagination of my parents and my grandmother. What was my dream?
Then I realised that you can only move forward in life if you step out of other people’s dreams and pursue your own dreams. This is the complicated part, stepping out of other people’s dreams and starting to ‘support’ your own dreams, creating your own ideals and ideas and taking responsibility for your own happiness and unhappiness.
But if I don’t step out of other people’s dreams (ritual), I become a character in their stories, fiction (myth).
But if I don’t step out of other people’s dreams (ritual), I become a character in their stories, fiction (myth).
Example: a person may say: I studied medicine because my father wanted a son who was a doctor! In other words, I spend my life functioning for others, for the stories of others.
"Ou você vive gastando o que recebeu da vida ou você constrói o que quer ser. Ninguém nasce pronto, mas em construção!"
You will be truly alive and not just a character if you have your own dreams, whether they come true or not.
But be careful! There are positive dreams, which are integrative because they are connected to reality, and negative dreams, which are disintegrated or illusory. The psychotic person may not dream, but deludes themselves. It is a dream of an illusory and delusional imagination.
AFTER ALL, WHAT IS THE IMAGINARY?
Image, imagination and imaginary derive from the Latin imago – ginis.
The word image means the representation of an object or the mental reproduction of a sensation in its absence. This mental representation, whether conscious or not, is formed by past experiences, memories and perceptions and is susceptible to being modified by new experiences.
And imaginary is the fundamental term that corresponds to imagination, as its function and product. The imaginary is based on the similar and refers to the mirror stage, in which the ego of a child of a few months is formed from the image of the similar. It is characteristic of the imaginary to reduce the other to itself, the different to the identical, the foreign to the similar. The imaginary, always in this sense, feeds on synonyms, analogies, metonymies, isomorphisms and homologies.
For example, I imagine what Moscow is like based on my life experience and the information I have acquired about this city. Until I pass the test of reality – going to Moscow – it is only my imaginary. It is not real. It is an image, a fantasy created on the basis of real data, photos and films I have seen or information I have read, but it is still imaginary. I have never been to Moscow.
Now, if I finally go to Moscow and pass the test of reality, the city of Moscow will certainly be different (for better or worse) from how I imagined it. The difficulty here is the difference, because the imaginary does not correspond to the real. It may be similar to what I imagined, better or worse, but hardly the same. To summarise: first I imagine, I create an image by seeking similarity and creating an expectation. Then, when the test of reality arrives – the difference arrives – I feel disappointment or even frustration.
But since everything is systemic, the Imaginary is neither good nor bad. It depends on how you use it. The Imaginary can also be the fastest tool for getting in touch with the Real, through intuition. But it will need a concrete structure to function. For example, the painter needs a tool (brain, hands, brushes) to paint and express his Imaginary.
WHAT IS REAL?
The Real is the encounter between the Imaginary and experience. In one place I imagine, in the other I experience. The Real is therefore made up of these two sides. It is Real when it is inside and outside.
The function of the Real is to facilitate the encounter and negotiation between the two sides: good and evil, joy and sadness, day and night, masculine and feminine. And it is the difference that makes the difference.
If my parents imagined a daughter with the aesthetics of Jacqueline Kennedy and my grandmother a granddaughter with the sacred ethics of Saint Rita of Cascia, I have no choice but to negotiate with this family imaginary and actualise it in the real.
In itself, the imaginary of my parents and grandmother was neither good nor bad in my life. It would have been harmful if I had not integrated it into reality. If I had lived divided between the aesthetic image of Jacqueline Kennedy and the sacred image of Saint Rita of Cascia, as well as not considering my own essence.
Up to a certain age, we are constructed from the outside, from family expectations, from the expectations of my social group, etc. But then I have to deconstruct what they have built for me and build it my way.
It is necessary to reflect: – What can I do; what am I capable of doing; what is good for me; what do I need? Thus, starting from a good negotiation, I can be who I am with all my limitations and possibilities and not just be an illusory dream of my family.
UNIVERSAL MYTH – THE SYMBOLIC
The Symbolic – from symbolos: function of the sacred, which binds and investigates meaning.
The Universal and Symbolic Myth integrates the obscure, the incomprehensible, the shadow.
A characteristic of myth is ‘symbolic thinking’, which conveys meanings not logically, but analogically.
The Universal Myth recounts, through stories, situations in human life since the beginning of time, using a dynamic form animated by symbols. Its dynamism can take two opposite directions:
1) THE DIABOLICAL:
this diabolical path, from diabolos, which divides, identifying imaginary gods and heroes and leading to alienation. The best example is the family myth, with the tendency of family members to copy fashions, rituals and beliefs without reflection. This structure has the quality of making the subject similar to the other, to the object of the image, identifying it with this imaginary world and separating it from the real world.
2) THE SYMBOLIC:
which is the integration of symbolic values,
expressed through the structures of the Imaginary that favour the identification or harmonious development of the person. These structures encourage the subject to become himself, instead of alienating himself in a mythical hero. This integration has a synthetic value – of inner assimilation of oneself and external values, instead of being just an assimilation of external values. Here the subject ceases to be a copy and becomes original.
Joseph Campbell considers symbolic myth to be a poetics of life, which helps us to put our minds in touch with the experience of being alive. Rather than a search for meaning, it is an experience of life.
In his view, there are four functions of myth: the mystical, the wonder of mystery; the cosmological, as a form of understanding the world, which science deals with; the sociological, as support and validation of a specific social order; and the pedagogical, as guidance in the different stages of existence. Mythology derives from the awareness of death, from the fact that life feeds on life, and from wonder at the experience of life. It is the music of the imagination, inspired by the energies of the body.
For Campbell, mythology is a transparent metaphor for transcendence, myths being metaphors for the spiritual potential of human beings. The same powers that animate our lives animate the life of the world. In this conception, gods are personifications of a motivating power or value system that works for human beings and the universe. (Campbell, 1991)
Symbolic myth reveals, with the help of symbolic images and situations, the conflicting past and present that must be overcome and the blueprint for a realisable future.
For centuries, human beings have used myths, fairy tales and folklore to explain the mysteries of life and make them bearable. From why the seasons change to the enigma of death, through to complex relationship issues. Jesus explained his teachings through parables, presenting difficult problems to his followers in an easy-to-understand form. Plato conveyed obscure philosophical concepts through simple myths and allegories. In ancient Hindu medicine, when a person with mental or emotional difficulties consulted a doctor, the doctor would prescribe a story for them to meditate on, thus helping the patient find their own solution to the problem.
(Liz Greene, Juliet Sharman-Buke, 1999) (Liz Greene, Juliet Sharman-Buke, 1999)
"Mitos são histórias de nossa busca da verdade, de sentido, de significação, através dos tempos. Todos nós precisamos contar nossa história, compreender nossa história."
We must discover who we are: in the verse and the reverse, in the light and the shadow, in the clearly expressed and the hidden darkness.
Myths help to connect the mind with the experience of being alive. They offer models of life: stages of life, initiation ceremonies (rituals) when moving from childhood to the responsibilities of adulthood. From single to married. The process of throwing away the old to return to the new, taking on a responsible role. (Joseph Campbell, 1991)
"A única maneira de conservar uma velha tradição é renová-la em função das circunstâncias da época." J. Campbell
FAMILY MYTH: THE DIABOLICAL
The diabolical – from diabolos: that which divides – must be completed by the symbolic.
Other concepts that are confused with MYTH:
- Dogma: provides support and structure to any system. Linked to the past, it aims to give stability to the system through the resignation of the individual (it cannot be questioned). It is only functional for children.
- Fashion: vanishes into thin air, is fleeting and has no substance of its own. It is pure imitation. An adolescent characteristic insofar as it is experienced in a context of freedom without responsibility.
- Value is a personal choice. It is the ideals chosen by the individual themselves that guide them towards the future. It has the characteristics of freedom and responsibility and the interaction of co-authorship and co-participation.
The family myth is therefore made up of shared beliefs, accepted without anyone questioning or challenging them.
If aspects of falsehood or illusion are recognised, they tend to remain secret. Here we perceive the mechanism and homeostatic function of the family myth to maintain group agreement and reinforce the maintenance of each person’s roles.
The family myth is like a framework for interpreting reality, partly inherited from past generations and partly created by the current generation, which assigns each family member a specific role and destiny.
It is a concept used to describe the family’s own beliefs, which consist of images and legends that help to create a sense of family identity. Myths, although false and illusory, are accepted by everyone and have nothing sacred or taboo about them that anyone would dare to challenge. In reality, for each family, its own myths represent the truth.
“In every relationship,” write Andolfi and Angelo (1989), “sooner or later a myth is created. The fact that in every relationship there is a margin of ambiguity, where gaps in information in the construction of the bond and in mutual understanding are filled by the formation of stereotypes that seek to induce participants to behave in specific ways, serving to maintain the bond.”
The family myth develops the “void”, the lack or incompleteness of data and explanations. Byng-Hall in “The Family Myth” (1998) identifies four components of family stories that are part of family mythology:
1. Family stories or anecdotes: stories are told for entertainment, with heroism often exaggerated compared to reality, heroes are always on the brink of disaster.
2. Creation of stories or fairy tales: episodes invented and presented as reality. This can be done consciously, for example to justify the absence of a family member, mental illness and negative events, which are kept as secret fantasies and are no longer distinguishable from myth and can determine the behaviour of the family or one of its members.
3. Family secrets: these are facts that are communicated in private, so as not to tell anyone, but everyone passes them on to another family member, so they can become accessible to the public, yet they bind the confidant and the listener in a hidden coalition.
4. Family and legends: these are very colourful and exaggerated stories that are passed down from generation to generation. They are stories that communicate the moral rules and obligations of family life. They are shaped by the narrator and respond to the homeostatic needs of the family, so that accidental changes in the story are consistent with the family’s current beliefs.
A secret or myth is based on a real event or fantasies derived from the real event. Often the source of a family myth is lost, but this does not seem to weaken its power and effectiveness.
It can be said that it is something that remains underground in a generation that remains silent and then re-emerges or can explode in the behaviour of a family member in a future generation.
Ferreira escreve, o mito da família é a pedra angular sobre a qual mantém a homeostase do grupo que o produziu. (1971)
Family stories are complex and rich in meanings hidden in the folds of generations and in the dynamics of relationships between members. Therefore, the myth has a cohesive function among family members, and any attempt to attack it is repressed and rejected because it represents an attack on the family identity.
In reality, every family has its own practices and myths, which have served the needs of the family system for many years. It seems very logical to family members, but to outside observers it may seem mysterious, baffling and incomprehensible, or even offensive.
Recalling that human beings need a sense of belonging, Andolfi and Angelo write:
"As dificuldades que estão por trás do surgimento de mitos familiares são aqueles relacionados com os processos evolutivos de separação e individuação." (Andolfi e Angelo, 1989).
But whether or not you know your family history, you will be judged for it. This has to do with secrets, shame or unfulfilled missions of our ancestors. This will fall on someone in the family. This usually happens in the third generation, meaning that it is the grandchild who pays the price. They must clear the reputation of their grandparents. Parents are also clearing the reputation of their grandparents, and so on… Every grandchild has an influence that goes back seven generations. Zélia Nascimento.
FROM SYSTEMIC FAMILY THERAPY TO PSYCHOGENEALOGY
"Os mortos estão invisíveis, mas não ausentes" Santo Agostinho
We are much less free than we think we are. But we can break free from this mythical repetitive slavery by understanding what is happening. We can finally live our own lives and not those of our parents or grandparents, or even those of a deceased relative, for example.
Anne Ancelin Schutzenberger tells a very interesting story in her book My Ancestors (1997), which I will transcribe here in this text:
It was summer, a beautiful morning. I was alone, on holiday, at the home of colleagues and friends in the Midi. Waking up early, I had gone out into the garden, without making a sound, to watch the sunrise over the mountains behind Saint-Baume. Not knowing the habits of the house and not wanting to disturb anyone, I sat quietly by the pool, in the shade of the pine trees. All was peaceful… Everything was order and beauty… splendour, calm and delight. Suddenly: ‘To the table!’ cried an imperious voice from afar; ‘To the table! Quick, quick, quick, to the table!’ The dogs rushed in and I followed them into the large dining room, into the hall, where… there was no one. The voice, a male voice, vigorous, aware of its rights and accustomed to giving orders, repeated: Dinner is served! Monica, hurry up! Dinner is served! And sit properly! Instinctively, I straightened up. The dogs oriented themselves thanks to the voice and stopped in front of the parrot’s cage, alert, waited a moment and went back to lying down. I was as confused as they were and waited in the garden. Later, during a genuine Sunday breakfast, pleasant, intimate, relaxed and lively, my friend Michel explained to me that when his grandfather died, he had inherited the parrot – a hundred-year-old parrot – which from time to time spoke as the family used to speak. It was so real that it would have fooled anyone. Sometimes it was the grandfather, a doctor, calling everyone to the table, especially his grandchildren; other times it was one or another member of the family and his friends. No one knew what triggered the parrot’s memory or what would come out of it. For my friends, the family was always there. What a presence, what warmth, what conviviality that parrot brought! What continuity in the lineage, what renewed security! But also, how many secrets could resurface, how many forbidden unspoken words, how many orders to repeat or remember? It was the past, the living past, the ever-living past that interacted with the present. This experience was for me a gateway to the past-present, in the making. We continue the chain of generations and pay the debts of the past; until the slate has been wiped clean, an invisible loyalty drives us to repeat, whether we want to or not, whether we know it or not… (Ancelin Schutzenberger, 1997)
In the Systemic Thinking courses taught by Dr Zélia Nascimento, I always heard her say: ‘the family is a source of inertia’!
In physics, inertia is a property of matter that makes it resistant to any change in its movement. In systemic therapy, we use the term static homeostasis, which means remaining unchanged in the same state. And in popular language, we talk about accommodation. I understand this as the difficulty humans have in going beyond identification-copying and being original and individualised. Creating one’s own path, one’s own destiny and being accountable for it.
We live the first part of our lives with what has been destined for us, especially with regard to fixed values. If the family is attached to a value, whatever it may be, it becomes fixed and turns into a deep-rooted belief; it cannot be renewed or recycled, and this is inertia.
The opposite are updated values. They are renewed and go beyond tradition. In this case, the family will have more fluidity, movement and fewer problems.
A fixed value is like a ghost: no one sees it, but it appears in the manifestation of status. It manifests itself in the degree of importance that a family attaches to ‘appearances’, status and social importance. From there, in individuality, one sees the degree of exaggerated vanity. Remembering that natural vanity is taking care of one’s appearance, one’s name, being recognised, while exaggerated vanity is overprotecting individual and family problems, where everything is justified.
"Este texto foi elaborado a partir de vários livros e autores e principalmente a partir das aulas do Curso de Pensamento Sistêmico, coordenado pela minha Mestra Zélia Nascimento, em Belo Horizonte, Brasil. Aproveito esta oportunidade para agradecê-la por todos os anos de estudos e vivências em seus cursos e em psicoterapia."
Brasil, fevereiro de 2011
Texto revisado - Itália, agosto de 2017
PSICOGENEALOGIA SISTÊMICA APLICADA
Prática transgeracional por Jaqueline Cássia de Oliveira