When we look up the etymology of words, we piece together understandings and embroider hypotheses.
The word CALAR (to be silent) possibly comes from the Latin callare, which means to lower one’s voice. In Portuguese, it means not to speak or to stop speaking.
And the word FALAR (to speak) comes from the Latin fabulare, to converse, to tell fables. To speak means to emit sounds, words, and it is not necessary for there to be a listener.
The word CONVERSAR, on the other hand, means to establish communication, and it does not necessarily have to be with words and usually occurs between two or more people.
We know how common it is for someone to say something that no one hears. Or how someone who is SILENT can be saying a lot in their silence.
And that leads us to think that we can even ignore those who speak, disqualify their arguments, their ideas. But it is impossible not to notice the SILENT.
What is placed in the “silent” often causes a lot of discomfort and unease.
“What was silenced in the first generation, the second carries in its body.”
Françoise Dolto
What is kept SILENT in a system for several generations – the SECRET – usually comes out of the “crypt” in the third generation and will then be “spoken” or even “shouted” through a symptom or a symptomatic member, also called the whistleblower or ghost of the system.
Continuing with this idea of checking the etymology, the word SECRET comes from the Latin secretus, which means apart, isolated, hidden. From this also derives the word secretary, a person to whom secrets are entrusted.
If it is a secret, we want to keep it HIDDEN, which comes from the Latin occultu, meaning everything that is covered, mysterious, hidden and out of sight.
Other words related to the theme:
HIDE – from the Latin abscondere, to take out of sight, formed by abs, outside, plus condere, to put inside something, to store.
ENIGMA – those who do not understand a coded message find themselves grappling with an enigma, a word derived from the Latin aenigma, from the Greek aínigma, to speak with hidden meanings, from ainos, saying, tale, speech.
MESSAGE – from the Latin missaticum, which came from missus, past participle of mittere, to send, to dispatch.
INFORMATION – from the Latin informare, “to model, to shape”, from in plus formare, “to form”. From this came the connotation of “forming an idea of something”, which later became “to describe” and later generalised into “telling someone something about something”.
LISTEN – comes from the Latin auscultare, to listen carefully, derived from aus, ear.
TRANSMISSION – from the Latin trans, beyond, through, plus mittere, to send, to command.
In transgenerational work, under the gaze of APPLIED SYSTEMIC PSYCHOGENEALOGY, when using the genossociogram tool or some other type of symbolic work (social atom, metaphorical genogram, photographic genogram, dreams), the stories narrated by those undergoing the work will not simply be “listened to,” because we know that these stories are half-lies and half-truths.
But, above all, we pay attention to the ENIGMAS that appear in the form of coincidences of dates (birthday syndromes), slips of the tongue, associations of ideas, emotions that arise, body language, etc.
The use of these tools, listening and the state of PRESENCE (of the therapist and client), allow access to family memory and facilitate the decoding of messages encrypted in symptoms, repetitions, tragedies, madness…
However, one must be very careful and respectful when starting this work!
The person sitting in front of the therapist does not always have PERMISSION from the mythical figures of their family system to SPEAK.
A sign of “unmentionable” secrets, which carry a lot of shame and pain, is when the work seems to be at a standstill.
If the MYTHICAL figures of that family system have SILENCED themselves or made many others SILENT through prohibitions and demands, it will not be possible to TALK about everything that happened overnight.
The therapist must remember that they will be “bumping up against” family laws, constructed to maintain the dignity of the clan. It is well known that shame and pride are good fuels for SECRECY.
There is also a type of SILENCE that occurred because of great pain in the system, when the ancestors remained silent so as not to cause suffering to those who were arriving – the children. In this case, SILENCE was protective and passed on to future generations, although it became a rupture in the family gestalt.
So we can say that the best therapy for SILENCE is: to speak, verbalise, express, symbolise!
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
(John 1:1-4)
Also checking the etymology of the word VERBO: from the Latin verbum, word. In the Portuguese language, it has become established as a synonym or variant of PALAVRA.
And the etymology of PALAVRA: from the Latin parabola, from the Greek parabolé, which means comparison, SYMBOL.
SYMBOL from the Greek sýmbolon, via the Latin symbolum: a sign that brings together, signifies, evokes, just as the WORD, the VERB and the TERM signify what they refer to, unlike DIABOLICAL, from the Greek diábolon, via the Latin diabolus, which means that which divides, lies, slanders, disguises.
- SYMBOLIC MYTH – created to INTEGRATE what is known with what is unknown.
- DIABOLICAL MYTH – created to SEPARATE what is known from those who do not know.
And finally, so that we therapists never forget, our work is based on CONFIDENTIALITY, which comes from the Latin sigillus, seal (of wax or other substance), a way of sealing documents that revealed whether they had been opened.
We work with SILENCE and must offer a reliable, peaceful space that is conducive to SPEAKING. And we will be using our listening and symbolic language skills.
Being a good translator and interpreter of what remains SILENT is a great challenge in every therapeutic session!
Jaqueline Cássia de Oliveira
Psicóloga - CRP 04/7521
Psicoterapeuta Familiar Sistêmica (Brasil)
Psicogenealogista (Itália)