When we seek the etymology of words, we sew understandings and embroider hypotheses.
Possibly the word CALAR comes from the Latin callare, which means to lower the voice. In Portuguese it means not to speak or to stop speaking.
And the word FALAR comes from the Latin fabulare, to talk, to tell fables. Speaking means issuing sounds, words and there is no need for a listener.
Already the word TALK means to establish communication, and there it is not necessary that it be with words and normally occurs between two people or more.
We know how common it is for someone to say something that no one listens to. Or how QUIET someone can be saying a lot in their silence.
And this leads us to think that we can even ignore those who speak, disqualify their arguments, their ideas. But it is impossible not to notice the QUIET.
What is put on “silent” often causes a lot of discomfort and discomfort.
“What was silent in the first generation, the second carries in the body.”
Françoise Dolto
What is kept SILENT in a system for more generations – the SECRET – usually comes out of the “crypt” in the 3rd. generation and then it will be “spoken” or even “shouted” through a symptom or a symptomatic member, also called whistleblower or system ghost.
Continuing this idea of checking the etymology, the word SECRET comes from the Latin secretus, which means apart, isolated, hidden. From this also derives the word secretary, a person who is entrusted with secrets.
If it's a secret, we want to keep it HIDDEN, which comes from the Latin occultu, which is everything that is covered up, mysterious, hidden and taken out of sight.
Other words related to the topic:
HIDE – from Latin abscondere, to take out of sight, formed by abs, out, more condemn, to put inside something, to keep.
ENIGMA – anyone who does not understand a coded message finds himself dealing with an enigma, a word that derives from the Latin the riddle, from the Greek ainigma, to speak with hidden meanings, from ainos, said, tale, speech.
MESSAGE – from the Latin missaticum, which came from missus, past participle of mittere, to send, send.
INFORMATION – from Latin, from informare, “to model, to give form”, from in mais formare, “to form”. Hence the connotation of “forming an idea of something”, which later came to be “describing” and later generalized to “telling something to someone about something”.
LISTEN – comes from the Latin auscultare,, listen carefully, derived from aus, heard.
TRANSMISSION – from the Latin, trans, beyond, through, plus mittere, to send, send.
In a transgenerational work, under the perspective of APPLIED SYSTEMIC PSYCHOGENEALOGY, when using the instrument of the genosociogram or using some other type of symbolic work (social atom, metaphorical genogram, photographic genogram, dreams) the stories narrated by who is submitting to work, because we know that these stories are half lies and half truths.
But, above all, we pay attention to the ENIGMAS that appear in the form of coincidences of dates (anniversary syndromes), to the slips, the lapses, the associations of ideas, the emotions that arise, the corporal expression, etc.
The use of these instruments, listening and the state of PRESENCE (of the therapist and client), allow access to family memory and facilitate the decoding of encrypted messages in symptoms, repetitions, tragedies, madness...
However, you have to be very careful and respectful when starting this work!
That person who is in front of the therapist does not always have PERMISSION from the mythical figures of his family system to SPEAK.
A sign of “unconfessable” secrets, which carry a lot of shame and pain, is when the work seems to be stalling.
If the MYTHICAL figures of that family system were QUIET or made many to QUIET, through prohibitions and demands, it will not be possible from one hour to another that everything that happened will be SPOKEN.
The therapist must remember that he will be "bumping" into family laws, constructed to maintain the dignity of the clan. It is known that shame and pride are good fuels for the SECRET.
There is also a type of QUIET that happened because of a great pain in the system, when the ancestors were silent so as not to cause suffering to those who were arriving – the children. In this case, CALADO was protective and transmitted to future generations, although it became a break in the family gestalt.
So we can say that the best therapy for QUIET is: talking, verbalizing, expressing, symbolizing!
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
(John 1:1-4)
Checking also the etymology of the word VERB: from the Latin verbum, word. In the Portuguese language, it was consolidated as a synonym or variant of PALAVRA.
And the etymology of WORD: from the Latin parabola, from the Greek parabolé, which means comparison, SYMBOL.
SYMBOL from the Greek sýmbolon, from the Latin symbolum: sign that gathers, means, evokes, just as the VERB, the WORD and the VOCABLE mean what they refer to, unlike DIABÓLICO, from the Greek diabolon, from the Latin diabolus, which means what disunites , lie, slander, disguise.
- SYMBOLIC MYTH – created to INTEGRATE what is known, from what is not known.
- DIABOLIC MYTH – created to SEPARATE what is known from those who do not know.
And finally, so that we therapists never forget, our work is based on CONFIDENTIALITY, which comes from the Latin sigillus, seal (wax or other substance), a way of closing documents that revealed whether they had been opened.
We work with CALADO and must offer a reliable, peaceful and favorable space for SPEECH. And we will be using our listening and symbolic language skills.
Being a good translator and interpreter of what is still QUIET is a great challenge for every therapeutic session!
Jacqueline Cassia de Oliveira
Psychologist - CRP 04/7521 Systemic Family Psychotherapist (Brazil) Psychogenealogist (Italy)
